All The Girls Who Turn Me On, Turn Me Down

I'll be the nice guy
If it means she cries on my shoulder
I'll be a pussy
If it means I just get to hold her

I'm not an asshole
But I can be for a kiss
Then again, with my looks
It's far less hit than miss

All the girls who turn me on
Turn me down
I have that special knack
To make their smile's frown

Every girl I approach
Just scorns my special charm
My mother lied, she said
"Just be yourself, 'cause it can do no harm"

I've done everything I can
I even tried those date-rape drugs
But they got my DNA
When I left it on her jugs

Little kids won't trust me
Cause of the sign on my front door
It says "Molester within"
And I can't afford no whore

All the girls who turn me on
Turn me down
It's now illegal for me
To dress up as a clown

All the girls who turn me on
Turn me brutally down
I can't seem to avoid
Making their smile's frown